Just look at that beauty on the left! Makes you feel hungry right? No, me neither! In fact I do wonder why on earth anyone including me would ever eat such a horrible thing. These God awful things looking like a never decreasing elephants leg in the window seem to be only eaten by those who are drunk or on shift work. However, they have this overwhelming power over us, calling us, beckoning us into buy them whatever the cost. Yet despite your protestations to your colleagues that you definitely won't be having one, you always seem to cave in!
Shift work invariably leads me ending up in the local kebab shop and walking away with a heart attack in pitta bread mainly because it is quick and simple and depending where I got it from, tasty. I used to cook my own food but sods law dictates that just as I am about to heat something up or half way through stirring it an urgent call comes out over the radio and I have to attend.
Recently I was coming out of the local kebab shop with burger and chips nicely wrapped up in polystyrene box and carrier bag when walking to the car we received an urgent call to attend someone who must have seen us buying our food and wanted us to waste it so dialled 999.
We dealt with the call which was LOB and didn't end up in an arrest. Just as I said to my mate, "Right, time for grub!" another call came out. Blue lighting it to the other side of the borough to another LOB call resulted again with no arrest.
Dejectedly I opened the polystyrene box to find a cold burger, colder than a McDonald's burger and it had sweated through leaving the chips quaggy and moist! Still, I was starving and reluctantly, down the hatch it went. I was in no doubt, that I would be regretting that later!
I get a good reception from that kebab house and they are GTP which is handy for penny saving. I've helped them out in the past with the occasional drunk who wants his kebab and wants it now but doesn't want to pay for it. Also we put quite a lot of cash across their counter as practically every nick in the area uses it.
I am supposed to get 45 minutes for break and if I've booked off for "refs" and then get called out I am allowed to take the break again and claim back for the lost food.
What does annoy me though, especially if I'm walking, carrying food or wandering round the aisles at Tesco, Sainsbury's or Morrisons looking for something to eat, are the looks and comments I occasionally receive.
I feel like I've grown a second head sometimes because of the open mouthed stares I get because I dare to shop for something to eat!
I've even had some people have the audacity to say to me "Oh, It's alright for some!" What the hell is that supposed to mean? They are in their free time, I'm working and my lunch time, getting something to eat and they say that!
I had one bloke say to me "No wonder you lot are so fat eating that!" I responded by looking into his trolley and said:
"Well, you could do with the diet version of all that in there yourself mate!"
and walked off with him probably writing down my collar number to complain about me. It's not like I had a piled up trolley, like him, it was a "Be Good To Yourself" chicken curry for Christ's sake!
On the odd occasion I've been stopped by people who want to chat or ask for crime advice. That's great, but I only get 45 minutes if I'm lucky and if a copper is in a supermarket carrying shopping he's there to buy his dinner not to talk about your rhododendrons being trampled on by next doors cat however frustrating it can be.
So the next time you see me coming out of a food establishment, please don't pass a sarky comment, it's alright for you, you've most likely had or going home to a nice cooked meal. Why not tell me where the latest buy one get one free deals are instead!
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