Fueling My Enthusiasm!

A great result in the early hours of this morning!  We were on our special operation, the one I have been dicked with for the last two and a half weeks on nights.  

We were moored up in our unmarked response car in our usual haunt for high value thefts when a distinctive blue Ford Transit van came into the area where we were parked.
Giving us and the articulated lorries a good looking over they turned around, slowed past us, gave us another look and took off like scalded cats.

Putting the VRM out for circulation as it completely disappeared we searched the area for it.  PNC showed it was "IN TRADE" no surprises there.

One of the officers on duty heard this over the radio and said it matched the description exactly to a van that been involved in the robbery of £200,000 worth of suits!

Hearing over the radio that it was spotted, we blued over and saw it surrounded by police vehicles but trying to get through no matter what.

I turned the hidden blues on and pulled straight across his path.  He had no where to go!

Both dragged from their vehicles and cuffed, we found barrels of fuel in the back along with hoses and equipment to steal fuel.

It appears that they were approaching lorries at night and stole fuel whilst the drivers slept.

They were nicked for theft of fuel, going equipped to steal and suspicion of theft of the suits.

They Always Come Out At Night.....(or sometimes the day too)

The Night Turn always guarantees to bring out the oddest people and therefore some of the oddest calls that generally, as a rule, you don't get during the day.

There is apparently, some medical evidence (somewhere, don't ask me to look for it) that states that the effect of gravity from a full moon on the chemicals in the human brain can have some bizarre effects and it is where the term "Lunatic" comes from.

Also the cover of darkness with enough light from the full moon can allow people to move about almost undetected.

So no surprise to be asked to assist a call in the small hours to a lady who stated that she had been burgled.

Nothing unusual there, except for the fact that she said over the phone that she was out in the garden squatting on her lawn going to the toilet when her neighbours broke in and took her stuff in the ten minutes she was sat out there.

She said she "knows its wrong to do toilet out on the lawn but next door are just evil, just evil!"

Thankfully, within ten minutes she called back to say that she had found all her stuff and all was well and we don't have to worry about coming round.

Queue sighs of relief over the radio!

We all do some odd things in time and the light, be it from a blazing sunny day or a moon lit night can play havoc on your perceptions.

One Sunday a few years back, we were called to an Immediate grade to a street in Brixton, South London, for a robbery in progress. We arrived about 10 minutes later and witnesses had informed us that the robber and his victim had both left the scene. So after taking descriptions we carried out an area search of which there was no trace.

To double check everywhere we went up on the Brixton train station which we knew had no service due to engineering works.

It was a very sunny day and as we were up on the platform I could see a man at the far end leaning against the wall with his bag by his side. Thinking to myself that this man could be either the victim, robber or witness it was a good idea to check him out, either way, I was going to inform him that there was no service on this day and he needs to find another route.

As I approached, I called out a “Hello” to which I received no response, I thought maybe he didn’t hear me so I repeated my call, still I got no response. The man was just leaning with one foot up against the wall and staring into no where. I thought either he’s genuinely deaf, or just plain ignorant so I waved my arms above my head and shouted “YO! You on the platform!” Still I got no response. “OI!” I shouted “OI MATE!” still nothing!

It was only as I got about 10 feet away from him I realised that this man would never answer me

…he was a statue and not just any statue,

......he was the famous Brixton statue of the “Perpetually Waiting Man”

A chorus of laughter from my bewildered colleagues as I turned back meant that, damn they had seen it all! I was getting comments like,

Well, I instantly blamed the bright Sun in my eyes!

“Was you going to arrest him under section 25, failure to provide details”?

 And “Who’s that over there? ….Statue?

Spitting Feathers!

Yes, yes, this is gonna be a nasty post so stop reading if you think you can’t handle it!


After reading  a "Tweet" made by @999Response last night about being spat at, it occurred to me that "spitting" is the most hated assault in our job.


I don't know why people resort to spitting when cornered, it must be a primal instinct and last line of defence but I see it as a sign of anger, hatred and contempt.


I thought it was on the decrease.  I could count at one stage the number of spittings at me on one hand but that seems to have doubled over the last year alone.


I can handle being punched, kicked, slapped, head butted, sworn at etc but incidents involving the mouth literally leaves me boiling over.


I cannot stand spitting or biting.  It's the one thing on the job I hate the most.  If I've arrested someone and they bite or spit at me then it takes an incredible amount of self restraint not to punch them straight in the face or worse.  In my mind, I've already done it and they're laying on the floor, spark out.  But of course, in reality I cannot do that as I would be no worse than them.


What I have to do is try not to react at all and show it has had no effect that I have the contents of the back of their lungs, nose and throat sliding down my face or that their teeth marks have caused a bruise on my hand.  What I do do, however is to jam my flat opened palmed hand down the side of their face and neck and force their head and face down whilst placing them into a locked restraint so they cannot do it to me or anyone else again.


When women spit, I really get angry, especially when it's at me.  Maybe it's an instinct, call it sexist if you wish, that I believe that women should not be spitting!


I arrested a woman a few years back for D&D (Drunk and Disorderly) and she was quite happy being led to the van, but just as I was putting her in the back of the cage, she turned and spat a huge green wad of phlegm straight into my face.  I restrained myself from not throwing her straight to the ground but informed her that she was now under arrest for Assault Police as her phlegm slipped towards my mouth which I hastily wiped off! 


I witnessed an incident a few years ago in East London where a student officer had his bicep ripped open by what can only be described as something that looked like a bite from a nature program.   He was helping to restrain a giant of a man who was kicking off and the officer unfortunately leant across his face leaving his arm open.  The bite was horrendous, he tore into and ripped the flesh, then followed the blood curdling scream of the poor student officer as most of his bicep disappeared and was spat on the floor.  


It's not so much as the possible transmission of God knows what disease these days, it's the total lack of respect for the person that's being spat at or bitten.


So next time you're arresting someone, especially if you're a student officer, be prepared for that spit that maybe coming your way.  Try not to put yourself in the firing line and give yourself distance.


And, if you are the one being arrested, keep your mouth closed!

Off The Back Of a Lorry UPDATE

Well after humping those boxes for the best part of half a mile and throwing them over a Timber yard fence, we found out where they had originally been stolen.

The owner for the Timber Yard had spoken to one of his neighbouring yard owners and found they had come from him!

The lads who broke into the yard, had thrown everything over the fence and left it there to collect later due to its large quantity.

The problem is, we came along and dragged it half a mile away and the wet boxes were destroyed spilling contents everywhere.

Thankfully I wasn't one who had to take it all back!




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Off The Back Of A Lorry

Last night is one of those shifts where one incident is the one of the ones that stays with you for the rest of your days.

It wasn't particularly amazing it was just very surreal.

An immediate grade call came after a Q night at 4am this morning and it was to assist some colleagues from the BTP at a train station out in the sticks.

The report from a witness saw two males carrying boxes along a railway line and then disappearing with them over a fence.

Believing they were stealing equipment or cable we arrived on scene just before the local BTP unit arrived.

A search of the immediate area discovered a couple of large rain sodden cardboard boxes on a path near the fence to the railway but no suspects.

Opening them up, we found iPod Touch cases all brand new about a hundred or so in each box,

The BTP carried out a track search incase the two suspects had gone back on the railway while we carried out an area search.

We then received a call.

"We've found some more boxes

......hundreds of them!

..........and tv sets!"

We then assisted in looking for an exit to remove these boxes and that involved having to climb over a rather large gate to a Timber yard which my vertically challenged colleague found a little difficult!

Especially when he caught his trouser leg on a spike and couldn't get down!

Over his shoulder from a house opposite I saw a bemused old lady watching us from her bedroom window.

I'm not surprised, the gate made a racket and our laughter was loud enough to wake the dead.

Going track side we found the BTP, a member of staff from the railway, a large pile of wet boxes and one piece of Heras fencing laying across the tracks.

For an hour or so we humped literally hundreds and hundreds of boxes of iPod cases on to the piece of fence.

Then we then went back and forth dragging this fence on the tracks laden with the boxes about half a mile or so which left us knackered and filthy.

We threw them over another fence at the Timber yard in a pile to be collected.

We then had to load a large van with the gear in order for some poor sod to book them into property! Thankfully that wasn't me!

It was guestimated that there was approximately 5000 of these cases about £10 each retail at least, so you do the maths.

We still don't know where they came from as there were no loss reports.

No wonder these lads gave up carrying them all that way!

We nearly did!



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The Good Food Guide!

Just look at that beauty on the left!  Makes you feel hungry right?  No, me neither!  In fact I do wonder why on earth anyone including me would ever eat such a horrible thing.  These God awful things looking like a never decreasing elephants leg in the window seem to be only eaten by those who are drunk or on shift work. However, they have this overwhelming power over us, calling us, beckoning us into buy them whatever the cost.  Yet despite your protestations to your colleagues that you definitely won't be having one, you always seem to cave in! 

Shift work invariably leads me ending up in the local kebab shop and walking away with a heart attack in pitta bread mainly because it is quick and simple and depending where I got it from, tasty. I used to cook my own food but sods law dictates that just as I am about to heat something up or half way through stirring it an urgent call comes out over the radio and I have to attend.

Recently I was coming out of the local kebab shop with burger and chips nicely wrapped up in polystyrene box and carrier bag when walking to the car we received an urgent call to attend someone who must have seen us buying our food and wanted us to waste it so dialled 999.

We dealt with the call which was LOB and didn't end up in an arrest. Just as I said to my mate, "Right, time for grub!" another call came out. Blue lighting it to the other side of the borough to another LOB call resulted again with no arrest.

Dejectedly I opened the polystyrene box to find a cold burger, colder than a McDonald's burger and it had sweated through leaving the chips quaggy and moist! Still, I was starving and reluctantly, down the hatch it went. I was in no doubt, that I would be regretting that later!

I get a good reception from that kebab house and they are GTP which is handy for penny saving. I've helped them out in the past with the occasional drunk who wants his kebab and wants it now but doesn't want to pay for it. Also we put quite a lot of cash across their counter as practically every nick in the area uses it.

I am supposed to get 45 minutes for break and if I've booked off for "refs" and then get called out I am allowed to take the break again and claim back for the lost food.

What does annoy me though, especially if I'm walking, carrying food or wandering round the aisles at Tesco, Sainsbury's or Morrisons looking for something to eat, are the looks and comments I occasionally receive.

I feel like I've grown a second head sometimes because of the open mouthed stares I get because I dare to shop for something to eat!

I've even had some people have the audacity to say to me "Oh, It's alright for some!" What the hell is that supposed to mean? They are in their free time, I'm working and my lunch time, getting something to eat and they say that!

I had one bloke say to me "No wonder you lot are so fat eating that!" I responded by looking into his trolley and said:

"Well, you could do with the diet version of all that in there yourself mate!"

and walked off with him probably writing down my collar number to complain about me. It's not like I had a piled up trolley, like him, it was a "Be Good To Yourself" chicken curry for Christ's sake!

On the odd occasion I've been stopped by people who want to chat or ask for crime advice. That's great, but I only get 45 minutes if I'm lucky and if a copper is in a supermarket carrying shopping he's there to buy his dinner not to talk about your rhododendrons being trampled on by next doors cat however frustrating it can be.

So the next time you see me coming out of a food establishment, please don't pass a sarky comment, it's alright for you, you've most likely had or going home to a nice cooked meal. Why not tell me where the latest buy one get one free deals are instead!

On The Night Shift

God, I hate nights shifts! Mainly because I tend to spend an entire week of my life in reverse, tired, grumpy and I see only about an hour of sunlight a day!

I'm going to work when everyone around me is settling down for the night.

It starts off completely mad, so I haven't even got time to tie my boot laces before we go racing off on an "I Grade" call (Immediate Response) or become assigned to the many outstanding calls still to attend.

Then every thing seems to slow down. I may get called to assist with the occasional drunk by the LAS (London Ambulance Service) or domestic that has sparked during the early hours of the night. Or I might stumble across a driver who is over the alcohol limit.

There's also something inherently wrong with eating a burger or kebab at 3am when I've not been drinking!

Problem is, that as I start seeing the clock run down, the world is waking up and with each tick of the clock brings the possibility of a shout that causes me to go way over my finish time.

Then there is the issue on my last night onto my rest days.

Do I sleep and ruin a precious day off? Or do I stay awake and become grumpy, tired and see my day off go by in a sleepy haze where I'm too tired to do anything I needed to do.

Nights do have their benefits though. Whilst I'm driving home, the opposite way to traffic and watching you all sit in jams heading to the office.

I'm the one grinning and going past you the other way

.....to my bed!

G'Night all!



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